I’ve had some ear troubles lately, once so bad I may as well have been deaf. A weird sensation, temporary yet softly painful. I’d like to think it gave me some empathy, some thought of those around me; my elders who live with deafness all the time, that or tinnitus. It makes conversations hard, shallow even. Frustrating those around you. My wife had no patience for it. This was sudden, though. How will I go when it sneaks up on me and becomes permanent? I’m only 55.
What will it be like at 75, eighty, even? Is it a dread, or a fear? I do not know. To be stuck in your head, and not hear. To miss the use of your wit. Watching those close politely try to engage in every way. When it’s even harder to be heard, they half-heartedly try before turning away. Their own thoughts cause pain as they see you slide away.
I look at those around me, my father, the old submariner mates marching, all with a world of experiences, locked away and fading from today.
I’m only 55.
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