As slow as molasses in January

         ‘What did you just say, Tom?’

        ‘As slow as Molasses in January’

        ‘What? Do you have any idea what you’re rabbiting on about?’

        The three of them, Tom, Dinga, and Bluey, had been sitting at the front bar of the Beachfront hotel, watching the world go by. It was a beautiful day as they always are in Darwin. It was even better in that it was the Dry season. They’d been sitting under the shade of an umbrella enjoying their beers and reveling in the storytelling that only three old codgers could. 

        ‘Mate, do you even know what Molasses is?’

        ‘Seriously, Blue, how runny would that shit be here in January?’

        ‘Okay, hold a tic. Tom’

        ‘Yeah’

        ‘So. You’re trying to tell us that your four ‘b four was stuck in mud so thick it was running as slow as Molasses in January’

        ‘Yup, that’s what I’m saying.’

        ‘Shit, Molasses in January would be like driving through a puddle of water. It would run off your car like water, or maybe not like water, like hot cooking oil.’

‘So what turn of phrase would you use?’ the stuff was so thick and clingy it filled the wheel arches, filled them so much I couldn’t steer the bloody thing.’

‘Umm, like.’

‘Well?’

‘All right, how about freshly poured tar hardening in the snowies in winter.’

‘Nup, nothing like it. This mud was black, thick stuff.’

‘So how’d you drive into it anyway? Any moron would know better than to drive into something like that.’

‘That’s the thing, this stuff had been undisturbed for so long that leaves and branches had fallen on it, making it look like solid ground. Shit, it even had some plants growing out of it.’

‘Right, how about like driving through chocolate pudding. That’s it. The mud was so thick it was like driving through chocolate pudding.’

‘MMM, pudding with cream?’

‘Yeah, pudding with cream.’

‘Dinga mans not a camel. It’s your shout.’

‘ Yeah, yeah. You two are talking as much shite like the stuff Tom was stuck in.’ Dinga got up and walked from the table.